Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Friday, December 17, 2004
I'm not the only one am I?
Maybe I'll be able to regale you with my so-called thoughts on Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime have a wonderful weekend in the lovely snow with the reindeer and the mulled Fosters 'n' stuff.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
I also included some constructive criticism of her woeful website, with an implication that I might even be prepared to help improve it.
I know she's busy: it may be that my letter is only one of many on the topic and by no means the best she's had.
But...nothing? Silence? All she had to do was post a boilerplate reply to my email address - no stamp required.
She presumably wants my vote next year. As I'm a knee-jerk namby-pamby wet liberal Guardian-reading do-gooder Labour voter she can probably have it if she can prove she's alive. Hallo out there!
Thursday, November 25, 2004
The Welsh do it like mad: for God's sake.
And how many times have I been asked by American tourists, for Lye-sester Square? (Leicester Square, pronounced "Lester").
But am I really asking for standardised phonetic spelling? No, far too dull.
More examples from around the world, please.
*pronounced "Heysburra". It's in Norfolk you know, but just barely.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Diary of Samuel Pepys: Friday 22nd November 1661.
"Within all the morning, and at noon with my wife, by appointment to dinner at the Dolphin, where Sir W. Batten, and his lady and daughter Matt, and Captain Cocke and his lady, a German lady, but a very great beauty, and we dined together. Spent all evening fannying about with my Blogger template until my eyes went runny, and so to bed."
Swift's Journal To Stella - September 2nd, 1710.
"We made our Voyage in 15 hours just; last night I came to this Town, and shall leave it I believe on Monday. Spent all night arseing about with my Blogger template and thus have written or done nothing of note since."
Monday, November 15, 2004
Pausing only to give the gladsome eye to the only man on Earth less interesting and more fully egregious, she accepted a job as a croupier in an egg-box factory, and passes from our tale.
I turned away sighing, and briefly shared, with a dangerous spider from Costa Rica and a novelty Donald Duck towel hook, a penthouse barrel reachable only by ladder. On venturing out one lunar eclipse and several redolent tavernas later, I met and beloved the fabled Massup and a new beginning was begun. Forged in the thrill of an A-Frame dress and an A-team T-shirt, all was 'la' and 'hap' thereafter, as we spooned to the Goombay Dance Band and danced by the light of the moon, the moon.
That's what I tell people anyway.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Monday, November 08, 2004
Man, he was in some strange stuff. Watch "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers" if you don't believe me: seven men in varying stages of gingeryness and wearing colour-coded shirts kidnap and imprison equal number of women, with view to marriage. Features dancing with axes.
"Bless your beautiful hide, wherever you may be
We ain't met yet but I'm a-willing to bet
You're the gal for me."
Then he was in "Dallas". Some career. I thought he must have died already, but he hadn't.
So, farewell then.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
And now? The people of the world drink in the American Way with their Pepsi. We watch Buffy and West Wing and the Hollywood movies and we love it. A man will wear a T-shirt with the word "Michigan" printed on it, but wouldn't dream of wearing one that said "Gloucestershire".
The anti-Americanism only starts when we see the iron fist behind Mickey's glove. The fist was there in Carter's or Clinton's time as much as it is in Bush's. We've had US forces in the UK and Europe since WW2. But we in Europe didn't truly see the iron fist, it wasn't displayed to us. All empires have it. The stupidity of the present US administration lies in its carelessness in displaying that fist. We'll embrace so much of the culture, much as the Indians did of the British culture in the 19th and 20th Centuries. But only so much as we'll consent to.
We're belatedly starting to realise, partly thanks to the neo-cons, that the USA is a truly foreign country, just as much as The Ukraine or Uruguay, and not a powerful lost colony that will always be on our side.
We have to realise that the USA will only be our friend on its own terms, not ours, and deal with it on those terms and stop deluding ourselves about "special relationships".
Yes, still being po-faced. Perhaps a beer will help. Incidentally, my Google search for "Gloucestershire T-shirts" yielded no results at all.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Dear Ms Moran
I'm really bothered by the casino provisions in the proposed gambling legislation. You and the local authority may be tempted by the possible windfall that new casinos appear to represent, but I believe the cost far outweighs the benefit.
Regeneration - I don't believe it. The owners, sleazy characters and shady corporations all, will, after a "honeymoon period", do their utmost to evade any fig-leaf social obligations and will lobby hard against "unfair" or "restrictive" rules and laws. Local life will not be improved one jot by these licensed fleecing parlours and once the feet are under the table YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET RID OF THEM. Ultimately we'll just have all these ugly barns full of sad losers wasting all their money, a lot of people most of us would want to avoid meeting getting mighty rich, and nothing for Luton Borough Council or the government to show for it bar a marginally-increased tax take and a whole new species of chancers and conmen and their victims to deal with.
I don't believe there is any significant demand for this measure; in fact it appears to be highly unpopular, and not just among snobs!
Additonally, does this government really want to be chiefly remembered (pace today's Guardian (3rd November)) for making Britain the Atlantic City of Europe? I'm going to risk sounding mighty pompous and say that I'd really hope this town and this country would be a more productive and upstanding place than that.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
I have just read and signed the online petition:
"Save The Aberfan Memorial"
hosted on the web by PetitionOnline.com, the free online petition
I personally agree with what this petition says, and I think you might
agree, too. If you can spare a moment, please take a look, and consider
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Monday, October 18, 2004
Stop pretending you're not enjoying it! It's fun. Yes it is... you can't be cold.
Let's go home then. Wassup, you missing The Simpsons?
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Overall human uselessness and daily incompetence are estimated to have risen on average by at least 10% over the last decade: 8 of the last 10 years have shown the highest rises since records began in the early 18th Century. Speculation has focussed on fluoridation, Cartoon Network, multi-player role-playing games, OK magazine, Ocean Finance, or any combination thereof.
A spokesman for UNIFWIWTA (United Nations I Forgot What I Was Talking About) said today that this phenomenon could not be ascribed to natural background fluctuations alone. She would have continued but instead accidentally pulled the back off her mobile and the battery fell out.
Monday, October 11, 2004
But no. He's come to apologise. He's completely bladdered and gives the kind of abject apology that only the truly drunk can - "I'm ree' ree' fxxxin' sorr' I wascompleetliootofordrr ye've gotalovelyfamily an' that". Up close you can see the mess the booze has made of him: he's as pale as the head of his pint & his face is cratered like one of the minor satellites of Jupiter. I do feel sorry for him - he'll probably not trouble the scorers much longer, and no-one will miss him when he's gone. How on earth he got to that condition I'll probably never know.
Only 3 of us got on the 88 today at my stop and no-one got off, so why was the driver punching buttons like a man in the terminal stages of Tetris? There must have been about 400 people on that bus, so I was very lucky to bag a double seat.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Will there be "George"ing tonight (see below) I wonder? Last post until Monday probably.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Monday, October 04, 2004
Friday, October 01, 2004
I find that Fosters is such an inelegant drink for breakfast, n'est-ce pas?
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Monday, September 27, 2004
Luton's been banged about by factory closures - GM closed Vauxhall Motors the year before we moved there for one thing - and has quite a few middle-aged and elderly unemployed; it's also been used as a dumping ground for the inadequate and the lost, including needy asylum seekers and refugees from all over the world. I've never seen so many chavs and drunks as I have since moving back to Luton 2 years ago, the town's not respected by the people who live there and has very little attractive building - most of what there once was was bulldozed in the 60's and 70's and replaced by ugly concrete, much as in a hundred other towns. I think if you respond to the "crappest town" jibe as the mayor just did, by pointing out the new multiplex cinema with bars and amusement arcades in the town centre, you're probably actually confirming the problem.
It's a betweeny sort of town - it doesn't have that reflected imported prosperity that a London dormitory town like Watford has, but it isn't far enough away from London to really have enough sense of separateness and difference. Hence, civic pride is hard to come by, and that's reflected in the rubbish-strewn ugliness that is probably the first thing you notice, especially if you come in by train. Luton's in a really nice setting though- go 3-4 miles in any direction (make it 7 if you go in the Dunstable direction, which is that terrible thing, a seriously crap town which thinks it isn't) for some lovely downland, rolling hills, country parks, pretty villages. It has fine parks, a few good pubs and a branch of Wilkinsons, which is obviously cool. It needs skilful and sensitive long-term re-modelling (and needs HM Government's 24-hour pisshead's charter like a hole in the head, but that's another story). For all the negatives though, it's not such a bad old place. I can always think of worse, anyhow!
Incidentally I have not heard ANYONE do that old Campari advert since I've been back, so shut up at the back there!
Friday, September 24, 2004
05:30 See him off to work, get out ironing board. Use it.
06:00 Children rise. Make them drinks, watch Buffy with them while ironing.
07:00 Make breakfasts. Wash up last night's dishes. Find clothes for children. Fill washing machine. Make bed.
07:15 Child A announces that Child A has homework to do, due today, which could have been done during 5-hour TV-a-thon yesterday. Help Child A find pencil. Help Child A find book. Help Child A do homework. Do homework for Child A.
08:00 Shout at children. Help them find the clothes you found for them earlier. They are where you told them they were.
08:15 Shower, dress. Feed cats again.
08:30 See off Child A. Take Child B to school, after finding Child B's missing shoes, which are where she left them. Say "duh".
09:00 Work. Go to bank, charity shop, WH Smith's and shoe-shop during half-hour lunchbreak.
17:00 Return from work via Sainsbury's, make cup of tea, empty washing machine and hang clothes. Childrens' tv-a-thon already 1 hour old.
17:30 Make supper for children - 2 different suppers. Also get 2 different drinks for children.
18:00 Water garden (seasonal). Read book for 5 minutes while on toilet, before being interrupted by child claiming that other child did something unpleasant, or by 'phone call.
19:00 Childrens' 5 hour tv-a-thon enters its final 2 hours. Boggins announces that he might quite like to watch the football tonight. Appease childish grief and woe. Go to shop to buy milk and cat food.
19:30 Boggins would rather sit on hard chair in dining room with book than watch football. No, really, it's important they see that episode of The Simpsons again; there's a bit of it they don't have by heart yet.
20:00 Adult supper started. Do some washing up. Call friend A. Friend B calls. Friend C will call back. Call back friend C while the supper is in the oven.
21:00 5-hour tv-a-thon ends. Children pretend to brush teeth, are unable to find pyjamas, cannot use a light switch, want a drink, don't want a drink, argue about which of them is the most stupid.
21:30 Children finally in bed. Supper on table. Child B reappears, unable to sleep. Unsurprising, as the attempt had been made with story tape playing loud and light on. Child B is returned to bed. Eat supper - well, it was too hot before anyway.
22:00 Retire to sofa for well-earned down-time. Child A appears 2 seconds later, claiming to be hungry.
22:08 Retire to sofa for well-earned down-time.
22:10 Former friend D calls.
22:15 Retire to sofa for well-earned down-time. Fall asleep on sofa, miss best bit of TV programme or dribble on book.
If there's anything I missed out, I'm not really surprised. All timings are approximate. All events liable to cancellation or repetition. Brownies on Tuesday.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Our 4th anniversary dinner party was a more low-key affair than in previous years, but very pleasant. Let there be many many more.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I'm not one of those spotter types who resists change - I actually really like the new trains that Midland Mainline have been putting on in place of the noisy 70s stuff, for example, but the Routemaster is a classic and is not easily usurped by Bendy buses: at least not without regret.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
I'm just paying these people's wages so that Abner and Gladys can wear out the batteries of their new digital cameras at Changing the Guard time, aren't I?
Monday, September 13, 2004
Friday, September 10, 2004
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
The name "GooseGrease" has served us well. It is an internationally known brand, representing tradition and irregularly updated & poorly-written weblogs.
It's time to move on. To engage with our target audience, following our move back to Blogger, to represent the best qualities of the brand in the 21st century, with all the Flash Gordony and Thunderbirdy shiny newness that that implies, we have changed our name. Teams of highly-paid consultants (William) have scorched the midnight wossname to come up with our new name :- Owl Pellets.
Never fear! Our consistent standards of (a) irregular updates and (b) poor content will not be compromised. We do not want to alienate our regular readers (a Mrs. Trellis of North Wales) but trust that they (she) will be augmented by a swelling crowd of new admirers, to whom we say "welcome" "welkom" "bienvenue" "willkommen" "bienvenuto" "boa vinda" and "bollocks" in equal measure.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
6 weeks! All gone! Gloom and despair! New school year. New bullies, new teachers, new maths to fail.
Our kids went back to school today. I saw little gloom, no despair, no fear of failure or bullying. I'm not saying anyone was actively looking forward to going back - but compared to my memories, they went back with a song in their heart.
Friday, August 27, 2004
We are DISTRESSED that he faces extradition to Equatorial Guinea, where the DEATH PENALTY is still meted out to wrongdoers. Let us march on the South African Embassy, with Lord Archer and Jim "Nick-Nick" Davidson in our vanguard, and demand the instant release of this wronged and innocent man, whose only crimes are to be A British Citizen and Son of Thatch! Let us all pull together and speak as one, echoing the Roman slaves in "Spartacus": "I am Sir Mark Thatcher!". Demand Justice for the "Cape Town 1"!
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Just got back from a 2-week jaunt to SLOVAKIA... stuff & pictures tomorrow.
From the back seat of the SKODA, a genuine conversation - a 9-year old girl and a 7-year-old girl looking at a magazine or brochure...
9-y-o "She doesn't look like a real model, she looks more like a porn star"
7-y-o "What's a porn star?"
(2 adults in the front now agog for the reply)
9-y-o "It's, like, a model who doesn't wear a T-shirt."
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Monday, July 19, 2004
Saturday, July 17, 2004
It's time to out this stuff. My stepdaughter eats it by the ton: I think it's horrible and very suspicious.
What do we know about it (for our Canadian visitors, that's "what do we know aboot it")? What does it really consist of and how is it made?
I used to be a vegetarian but I'm 'cured' - har har- now; I have a horrible feeling I could easily get un-cured by too much information, but I'll risk it. So many of us are in denial about food production because we like 'Value' products too much. Sometimes the stone is lifted and we look away before we see what's underneath.
Having opened the can of worms (BOGOF offer at ASDA this week), it's fair to point out that said stepdaughter would starve to death without Bernard Matthews Wafer Thin Turkey Ham and The Captain's Chicken Dippers, so I owe these people a great debt.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
"I'll tidy my room tomorrow, right?" Yeah, right.
The Goat is Got. Discipline them with Bricks.
At a time like this I like to revisit old and trusted friends. Like a fine wine, or a familiar poem, this both sooths and inspires. I include this link because I suspect that somewhere on Planet Earth someone has not experienced it, and that is wrong. It improves and deepens with each visit, but nothing will match your first exhalation of joy. Ladies and Gentlemen:- Badgers. Play Loud.
*"coslike" is one word.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
A lot of the American citizens I come across in the streets of London and in other tourist spots are the stereotypical ignorant fat loud midwesterners in appalling red and yellow check trousers and "USS NIMITZ" baseball caps. "Where are you from?" I might ask, interested in which city or state. "Well boy", says he, winding himself up to full imperial height, "I'm from the [b]YEW - NITED STATES OF AMERICA[/b]". My God, I think, and there was me thinking you were Belgian :-). The combination of this experience and the horrorshow that is the US presidency at the moment (mis)-informs a lot of UK and European opinion of the USA. It's valuable to be in touch with normal humans who just happen to be Americans. And, of course, Yorkshire Canadians.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Friday, July 09, 2004
To The Council and members
Masjid E Noor
A short note of thanks for your kind help in providing access and parking for our guests at our wedding on 26th June. It was a neighbourly act which was of great help to us. I hope all our guests treated your premises with respect.
Once again, thank you.
The " Masjid E Noor " is a little mosque 3 doors down from us. Some weeks ago a gentleman from there knocked on our door and offered access for our garden workers via their car-park, having seen that the only other access we have to the back garden is through our own front door. Our conversation led to the offer mentioned above. We are not Muslim, nor ever likely to be. We may even have issues with the Muslim world-view. That doesn't stop us looking-out for each other. "How very When Saturday Comes", to quote my brother in a different context.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Barton Rovers FC
Bible text on-line
Books in 25 words
Car hire Slovakia
Channel Tunnel Rail Link
Charles Rennie Mackintosh
Composting tips and hints
Convert fluid ounces to metric
Index On Censorship
Journey to The Centre Of The Earth
Jules Verne etext
Map Of Slovakia
Measurements of liquid
New Opportunities and Horizons
Nonsense poetry Hoskyns
Old grey Poet
Passport check and send
Posh art critic
Punch Magazine 1888 Grossmith
Quotes by Fielding
Quotes by Swift
Siemens A60 ringtones
Simon Dupree and the Big Sound
Stewart Pearson Wright
That nice Mr Pillai
The Book Of Obadiah
The Galaxy Luton
The National Gallery
The Song Of Solomon
University League Tables
Vicar Of Trim
... wuti??? wot, me sober?
Monday, July 05, 2004
" Ladies and Gentlemen - this won't take long - those of you who know me well know that I don't do this.. at least 3 of the others standing to speak this afternoon speak publicly for a living whereas I avoid it like, well, the plague.
I'm just going to say a few thank-yous, which I've written down in case I get seasick here:
-1st, thanks to all our friends and relatives for coming (sorry we couldn't arrange the weather better for you). The further you've come the more impressed I am.
- personal thanks are due to my new father- mother- sister- and brother-in-law, who've unfailingly made me feel welcome to their family right from the outset.
- thanks to Tracey, my "best man" - I've said it before, but she was a tower of strength a few years ago when I needed one, and her devious machinations played a big part in bringing me to this time and place, deny it though she may.
- To Sioux and Dan, who hosted my and Sam's first sudden skirmishes - Sioux, I know, has been a stalwart and loving friend to Sam in her dark days and since, for which my thanks are due.
- I know that, strictly speaking, the best man is supposed to say this but I think the bridesmaids look gorgeous. Well done girls. (I think that's what they call a "scripted ad-lib")
- Top marks too to William for giving his mother away. Don't worry, you'll get her back...
- There's a host of people who've helped out with everything from drain rods to flowers to cars to extension cords to chairs to fridges - too many for me to name but thanks to you all, old friends and new.
- 3 more:
- To illustrate our thoroughly modern and inclusive relationship, can I say a big thank you to a lady, and she's here today, who, as well as being a fine, fine mother to Kate and Heather has been immensely supportive to us, when she really didn't have to be? Ali, please continue to accept my respect and friendship, and Thank You.
- Nearly finally, the man who stepped into the breach when others let us down, who's spent more time here than I have lately, working until dark for not much more than a can of Stella and a smelly bed to get this garden and patio area ready for today, many many thanks to Buster, who said he'd be "staying in the background today, getting slightly pissed" - you do that, 'cos you're a star.
- Finally thanks to the beautiful woman who transformed my life, whose love I breathe every day. May I make you happy for the rest of our lives - Sam.
Can I get a beer now? "
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Friday, June 18, 2004
It's been a struggle and I've had stress - not to mention a 'phone bill - that I don't need, but now I can rest assured that I can go on my own honeymoon, one week on Sunday. It's another unwanted lesson to me in how well I deal with stress and "officialdom", but it's also a lesson in how that officialdom deals with the public, and how hard I'd find their job. On both my visits to the Passport Office my attention was distracted by people on either side of me who were being knocked back simply because they hadn't read the forms properly and who were becoming vilely abusive to the staff. The punter is stressed because he needs his passport: this I understand because I had that stress. I had all (and more) of the documentation required, and 2 previous UK passports to back me up: I could show that I had taken it seriously, and still it was not easy. One person next to me yesterday had had her application signed by a croupier(!) and had not had her photo signed off by anyone at all and had filled in her form in blue ink, but still claimed it was the Civil Servant's fault that she couldn't get her passport that day. The desk staff keep coming back for more, 'cos it's their job. I don't know if I could.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
"All rail staff to maintain radio silence please."
I'm at Victoria station today waiting for the train to leave for the short hop to Battersea Park station, when these familiar harbingers of station closure due to a "suspect package" are heard. What are we on the train thinking?
(A) "Oh my God, we're all going to die."
(B) "Remember the time that guy was killed by a bomb in a waste-paper basket outside Smith's? How long ago was that?"
(C) "Get this bloody train out, it's late already".
If you answered (C) you're probably closest to the mark.
At the time of writing nothing untoward seems to have happened.
Friday, June 04, 2004
In some ways I don't know why I enjoy the site so much because nothing much ever really happens - they move house, they go to Starbucks, they go to B & Q, legs ache and photos are taken. In most hands this would be a dull and self-centred affair, but it is written so well that it's always a pleasure. (Better than this rubbish anyhow! - ed.) It went "off-air" for a long time after being 'flamed' by some idiot or idiots, and it was with joy that I found it had returned.
If I were attempt something in a similar vein - I certainly have the family for it! - I know I'd never be able to sustain it.
Worry: I'm going to Capri on my honeymoon in 3 weeks and I'm still on the 'phone to people about the documents I need for my new passport, all because I stupidly allowed a name-change when I married the first time. Respect due to to Sheila at Redbridge Register Office for her fine efforts this week!
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
A black limousine sleeks past all the stalled traffic, big flag on the bonnet, elderly lady on the back seat. Age has its privileges but they wouldn't stop the West End traffic for my mum or for auntie Jean.
They're not The Queen, you see.
Queens, Princesses, Duchesses, Lord High Groom of The Royal Stool... can't we at last GROW UP as a society and send these people back where they belong?
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
I am very excited about my new Greek striker (good grief man, listen to yourself!). We've a friendly against a French team tonight and the Greek is on the bench.
If any other "HatTrickers" out there fancy a morale-boosting friendly win, come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.
I am not sad.
Pevsner (o.g.): 1
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
We're hoodwinked - "Oh! it's the Virgin Mary! And Ronald MacDonald! They're having it off! And they're made out of shit! That's really got me thinking! I'm also very shocked!" - by art that is only art because someone with whom we don't know how to argue says it is and because the artist went to the right school and "networked" with the right people. After a while, any activity undertaken by the successful "artist" is designated "art", and we all disappear up our own arses in a flurry of unmade beds. I think Picasso may have started this "everything I do is art" thing but he had talent: good luck to 'em, but don't expect me to clap like a seal.
The Being Present exhibition looks interesting. See you there, with the rest of us Philistines.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Each school day my beloved or I walk her loinfruit (8, soon 9) to school. On the way we pick up friend Latifah (OK, OK, not her). We cross one busy main road to get to Latifah, then there's another with a Zebra crossing. After that it's mainly one-way urban side streets: the whole walk takes about 10 minutes or so.
I'm under pressure from them to let them walk to school without me. I know I was doing it at that age, but times have seemingly changed. We have to let go a bit, give them the autonomy they need - but if they get run over or abducted I'll want to kill myself.
Any thoughts, anyone?
Thursday, May 06, 2004
I haven't been to a football game since the end of the 1999/2000 season. My marriage finally ended in summer 2000 and I was living in a little flat on my own. I woke up one morning meaning to go to a pre-season friendly - chance to check out new players, kit etc. - and found, for the first time, that I just couldn't be arsed. Soon after that I went on holiday: soon after that I met the woman I'm going to marry, and I haven't been back to Underhill since.
That season (2000/1) BFC were relegated. That felt bad, but not as bad as it would have felt if I'd been there, involved.
The next season I made plans to go a few times. I wasn't about to be one of those Fair-weather fans who only turn up when the going is good.
Never went. There was always too much on. I had the girls every other weekend; always seemed to coincide with home games. Sometimes I forgot to check the scores. I'd be sure to go next season.
Never went. We bought a house. When I didn't have the girls I was busy: repairs, decorating, blah blah. When I was free I had no money. There were fewer and fewer players whose names I knew. Still followed the scores, and the news on the websites. Maybe next season...
Never went. The Bees had a useful season, with a real goalscorer again. They reached the playoffs, and I was genuinely quite upset when they lost on penalties in the semi-final.
I miss the pre-match drink in the Queens Arms. I miss talking to people with whom I have only one interest in common. I miss being part of a disparate crowd of people with a common purpose. I miss having license to hurl abuse at someone for no good reason (referee, tubby midfielder, dodgy 'keeper). I miss buying a freshly-minted program. I miss the first day of the season when the grass is still intact and everything is possible. I even miss Enfield. Whatever happened to them?
Next season, back in the Queens with the Guardian and a pint of dodgy lager.
Get Nicky On!
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Kicked off on Martin Chuzzlewit this morning but may "shelve" it, har har, until later. Sometimes the mood's not quite there.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
"I am seriously considering doing an abseil off the Harlequin shopping centre (Watford) to help raise money for the Peace Hospice. Before I commit to them that I will do it I wanted to find out what the level of support would likely be as I have a minimum amount of ?100 to raise to be able to do it. If you think you would like to sponsor me for this cause let me know so I can get my entry form in before I scare myself into changing my mind !!
Yours..shaking in my boots already..
The Peace Hospice is in Watford, Hertfordshire, UK and is a thoroughly good thing.
If you'd like to sponsor her, leave a comment below with suitably disguised-to-prevent-spam email address or other contact method and I'll reply with PayPal details or whatever is needed.
She may be my ex, but I really don't want her to fall off.
It all happens on June 20th.
I know, 0 comments as usual...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Friday, April 23, 2004
Bloody Ocean Bloody Finance and all the other leech bloodsucky ambulance chasers on cable TV.
You sit down at a nicely decadent mid-morning time. You've done the school run, all the house stuff is done: you're on the evening shift so you've got an hour before you go. "Oh Good", you say, Ironside's on the TV, I'll sit down and watch that". (You might settle for "Murder She Wrote", but Ironside is pure gold). Now bloody ruin it for me. Every 5. "Credit Cards Out of Control?" "Had an accident in the last 2 years that you can screw out some money for?" "Have you considered a plan for Those Final Expenses?" "CCJs? Bad Credit History?: we'll lend you money, our rates start at just xx%!". "Free DVD player!" "Guaranteed acceptance, no medicals"! "No salesman will call"! Quite the most scandalous are the ones that promise to "unlock" your pension, as if you wouldn't need it later.
Without these crooks I suppose there is no Ironside. I'll read my book instead.
I'll stop now.
Ocean Finance die die die.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
The rules of the game "Yellow Car" are as follows: when travelling with one's sibling or friend in the back of parents' car, the first to spot a yellow car shouts "YELLOW CAR!" very loudly and punches said sibling or friend in that tender spot on the arm just below the shoulder. Game continues until parent pulls over into layby and refuses to continue journey and/or has nervous breakdown.
Friday, April 16, 2004
But I suppose I'm just a wishy-washy fellow-travelling do-gooder who has no desire to bomb anyone back into the stone age. I'll never be a Man. U supporter though.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
With bugle horne writ in the Hebrew tongue,
Fuming up flounders like a chafing-dish,
That looks asquint upon a Three-mans song:
Or as your equinoctiall pasticrust
Projecting out a purple chariot wheele,
Doth squeeze the spheares, and intimate the dust,
The dust which force of argument doth feele:
Even so this Author, this Gymnosophist,
Whom no delight of travels toyle dismaies,
Shall sympathize (thinke reader what thou list)
Crownd with a quinsill tipt with marble praise.
John Hoskyns (c17)
I've lost the link, because I found this long ago and saved it as text, but thanks, whoever you are....
Mrs Hetty Bimthwot joined HMSO "ooh,ever such a long time ago". She began as a Lubrication Assistant in the now-defunct Trouser Press: no-one really knows what she does now. She last received a pay rise in 1964, still receiving a once-adequate wage of £ 3/8s/6d per week, and a further Disfigurement Allowance of 4 shillings each quarter-day. She has several memories, some fond: "that nice Mr Pillai would come round and sell us home-made bread and butter fingers on his birthday - before the accident".
Her most vivid memory is of a Prime-Ministerial visit. "Mr Attlee didn't actually speak to me but he was ever so nice", she reminisces, "and Mr Pillai brought in some of his lemon-curd barmcakes. They was disgusting".
Hetty has one surviving son, Geoffrey, who manages a retail loofah outlet in Penge and who calls her every fifth Christmas or so. "Everyone's been very kind", she remarks, idiotically. When asked what she'll do with the money raised in her collection she's in no doubt: "I think I'll just drink myself absolutely bandy".
Gary Baker is 103.